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Insights From How To Talk To Anyone (#47)

How To Talk To Anyone..92 Little Tricks For Big Success In Relationship

Part 1 - How To Intrigue Everyone

  • The way you look and the way you move is more than 80% of someone’s first impression of you.
  • 85% of one’s success in life is directly due to communication skills. 

How To Make Your Smile Different

  • Women who were slower to smile in corporate life were perceived as more credible.
  • A big warm smile is an asset. but only when it comes a little slower, because then it has more credibility. 

How To Look Like A Big Winner Wherever You Go

  • The look winners have constantly:
    • They stand with assurance.
    • They move with confidence.
    • They smile softly with pride

How To Come Across as 100% Credible To Everyone

  • Problems arise for us when we are not lying but are feeling emotional or intimidated by the person with whom we are talking.
  • Fidgety movements give the listeners the sense something just isn’t right or a gut feeling that the speaker is lying. 

Part 2 - How To Know What To Say After You Say “Hi”

How To Start Great Small Talk

  • Small talk is about putting people at ease. 
    • How do you put people at ease? => By convincing them they are OK and that the two of you are similar.

How To Sound Like You’ve Got A Super Personality (No Matter What You’re Saying)

  • An empathetic mood, a positive demeanor, and passionate delivery make you sound exciting. 

How To Make People Want To Start A Conversation With You

  • Whenever you go to a gathering, wear or carry something unusual to give people who find you the delightful stranger across the crowded room an excuse to approach.

How To Make “Where Are You From?” Sound Exciting

  • Whenever someone asks you the inevitable, “And where are you from?” never, ever unfairly challenge their powers of imagination with a one-word answer. 
  • Learn some engaging facts about your hometown that conversational partners can comment on.

How To Come Out A Winner Every Time They Ask, “And What Do You Do?”

  • Flesh it out. Throw out some delicious facts about your job/business for new acquaintances to munch on. 

How To Enthrall ‘Em With Your Choice Of Topic - Them

  • Truly confident people often do this. They know they grow more by listening than talking. 

How To Never Need To Wonder, “What Do I Say Next?”

  • Never be left speechless again. 
    • Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. 
  • Star salespeople use it to get to their prospect’s emotional objections, which they often don’t even articulate to themselves. 

How To Always Have Something Interesting To Say

  • Some businesspeople direct their out-facing employees to keep up with the daily news so they can be good conversationalists with their clients. 

Part 3 - How To Talk Like A VIP

How To Find Out What They Do (Without Even Asking!)

  • Big cats never ask outright, “What do you do?”
    • They ask: How do you spend most of your time?

How To Know What To Say When They Ask, “What Do You Do?”

  • Say something along the lines of “Here’s How My Life Can Benefit Yours”
    • Top salespeople talk extensively of the “benefit statement.”

How To Sound Even Smarter Than You Are

  • The world perceives people with rich vocabularies to be more creative, more intelligent.
    • People with larger vocabularies get hired quicker, promoted faster, and listened to a whole lot more. 

How To Not Sound Anxious (Let Them Discovery Your Similarity) 

  • Whenever someone mentions a common interest or experience or something cool they’ve done, instead of jumping in:
    • Let your conversation partner enjoy talking about it.

How To Be a “You-Firstie” to Gain Their Respect and Affection 

  • Adults camouflage their self-centeredness under a mask of civilization and politeness. 
    • “How does that affect ME?”

  • Comm-YOU-nicate When You Want A Favor
    • Putting you first gets a much better response, especially when you’re asking a favor, because it pushes the asker’s pride button. 
    • Way to ask for a day off
      • “Boss, can you do without me Friday?” instead of “Can I take Friday off, boss?”

  • Comm-YOU-nicate Your Compliments
    • “However, consider how much better he feels when you tell him, “You’ve asked a good question.”
    • Salespeople, don’t just tell your prospects, “It’s important that….”. 
      • Convince them by informing them, “You’ll see the importance of….”
    • Best way to ask for something: Start every appropriate sentence with you. It immediately grabs your listener’s attention. 
      • Worse => “Excuse me”, I called out the window, “I can’t find the Golden Gate Bridge.”
      • Normal => “Excuse me, where’s the Golden Gate Bridge?”
      • Best => “Excuse me, could you tell me where the Golden Gate Bridge is?”

  • Comm-YOU-nication Is A Sign Of Sanity
    • The fewer times you use I, the more sane you seem to your listeners. 

How To Use Motivational Speakers’ Techniques To Enhance Your Conversation 

  • All professional speakers spend several hours a week gleaning through books of quotations and humor.
  • Many speakers use author’s and speaker’s agent Lilly Walters’s facesaver lines from her book What To Say When You’re Dying On The Platform
    • If you tell a joke and no one laughs, try “That joke was designed to get a silent laugh - and it worked.”
    • If the microphone lets out an agonizing howl, look at it and say, “I don’t understand. I brushed my teeth this morning.”
    • If someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, “Could you save that question until I’m finished - and well on my way home?”
  • In an uptight business situation, a little humor shows you’re at ease.

How To Banter Like The Big Shots Do (Big Winners Tell It Like It Is)

  • Big cats are anatomically correct - no cutesy words for body parts.
    • They’ll say “breasts” when they mean breasts.
    • Call a spade a spade. 

How To Give Them The Bad News (And Have Them Like You All the More)

  • Big winners know, when delivering any bad news, they should share the sentiment of the receiver. 

How To Respond When You Don’t Want To Answer (and Wish They’d Shut The Heck Up)

  • Whenever someone persists in questioning you on an unwelcome subject, simply repeat your original response. 

How To Talk To A Celebrity

  • People who are VIPs in their own right don’t slobber over celebrities.

Part 4 - How To Be An Insider In Any Crowd

How To Be A Modern-Day Renaissance Man Or Woman

  • Once a month, scramble your life. Do something you’d never dream of doing. 

How To Sound Like You Know All About Their Job Or Hobby

  • All you need are a few insider opening questions to get you started with any group. 
  • Big winners speak the language of other professions as a second language. 
    • Why speak it? It makes you sound like an insider. 
  • There are untold thousands of monthly magazines serving every imaginable interest. 

How To Bare Their Hot Button (Elementary Doc-Talk)

  • Every industry has burning concerns the outside world knows little about. Ask your informant. 
    • Then, to heat the conversation up, push those buttons. 

How To Talk When You’re In Other Countries

  • Before putting one toe on foreign soil, get a book on dos and taboos around the world. 

How To Talk Them Into Getting the “Insider’s Price” (On Practically Anything You Buy)

  • A little bit of knowledge goes a long way when you’re buying something. 
  • Your price is much lower when you know how to deal. 
    • Before every big purchase, find several vendors - a few to learn from and one to buy from.

Part 5 - How To Sound LIke You’re Peas In A Pod

How To Make Them Feel You’re Of The Same “Class”

  • Match your personality to your product. Remember, you are your customers’ buying experience. Therefore you are part of the product they’re buying. 

How To Make Them Feel You Empathize (Without Just Saying ‘Yep, Uh Huh, Yeah’)

  • Don’t be an unconscious ummer. Vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding. 
    • “I see what you mean.”
    • “That’s a lovely thing to say.”

Part 6 - How To Differentiate The Power Of Praise From The Folly Of Flattery

How To Compliment Someone (Without Sounding Like You’re Brownnosing)

  • A compliment from a new person is more potent than from someone you already know
  • Instead of telling someone directly of your admiration, tell someone who is close to the person you wish to compliment

How To Be A “Carrier Pigeon” Of Good Feelings

  • Another way to warm hearts and win friends is to become a carrier pigeon of news items that might interest the recipient. 
    • Call, mail or e-mail people with information they might find interesting

How To Praise WIth Perfect Timing

  • Big winners realize that sensitivity to an insecure performer’s ego takes momentary precedence over their deep commitment to the truth. 

Part 7 - How To Direct Dial Their Hearts

How To Sound Close (Even If You’re Hundreds Of Miles Away) 

  • Just use your caller’s name far more often than you would in person.
    • Use it more often on the phone than you would in person to keep their attention. 

How To Get What You Want On The Phone From Big Shots

  • Whenever you are calling someone’s home, always identify and greet the person who answers. 
    • Whenever you call someone’s office more than once or twice, make friends with the secretary. 

How To Get Them To Call You Back

  • Salespeople, suitors, candidates, and competitors who leave crisp, intelligent, upbeat messages on voicemail get called back. 

How To Make The Gatekeeper Think You’re Buddy-Buddy with the VIP

  • “Hi, Bob Smith here, is she in?”

Part 8 - How To Work A Party Like A Politician Works A Room 

  • Six-Point Party Checklist. Who? When? What? Why? Where? And How?
    • Once they’ve accomplished what they set out to do, they’re on their way to the next opportunity. 
  • Why Is The Party Being Given?
    • What’s the real reason for the party?
    • When people support the real why of the party, they become popular and sought-after guests for future events. 
  • Where Is The Collective Mind?
    • A politician never accepts any invitation without asking herself
      • “What kind of people will be at this party, and what will they be thinking about?”

How To Amaze Them WIth What You Remember About Them 

  • The Business Card Dossier
    • Right after you’ve talked to someone at a party, take out your pen.
    • On the back of his or her business card write notes to remind you of the conversation:
      • his favorite restaurant, sport, movie, or drink
      • whom she admires, where she grew up, a high school honor

How To Win Their Affection By Overlooking Their Bloopers

  • Cool communicators allow their friends, associates, acquaintances, and loved ones the pleasurable myth of being above commonplace bloopers and embarrassing biological functions. 

How To Know What Not To Say At Parties

  • Parties are for pleasantries and good fellowship, not for confrontations.
    • Big players leave tough talk for tougher settings.

How To Know What Not To Say In A Chance Meeting

  • If you’re selling, negotiating, or in any sensitive communication with someone, do NOT capitalize on a chance meeting. 

How To Prepare Them To Listen To You

  • If you need information, let people have their entire say first. 

How To Turn Their Anger Around (in Three Sentences Or Less)

  • Whenever you need facts from people about an emotional situation, let them emote.

How To Get What You Want From Service Personnel

  • “Wow, you are terrific. What’s your supervisor’s name? I’d like to write him or her a letter.”

How To Be A Leader In A Crowd, Not A Follower

  • People who respond first in a presentation or event, without looking around to see how everyone else is reacting, are men and women of leadership caliber. 
  • Lead The Listeners
    • Be the first to applaud or publicly commend the man or woman you agree with. 

How To Make All The Right Moves

  • Big winners - before putting pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, mouth to phone or hand to someone else’s to shake it - do a quick calculation. 
    • They ask themselves “Who has the most to benefit from this relationship?”

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